Corrupt-a-wish!!!

[Leetgrain]

Granted, you're now a level 57 basement dweller with a rare flab armour and a sword of virginity - Just like usual, eh? 

I wish Inject was renamed Penelope.

[Obviously not Gopib]

Granted, you're now a level 57 basement dweller with a rare flab armour and a sword of virginity - Just like usual, eh? 

I wish Inject was renamed Penelope.

Do it Inject. Do it.

[Old Crow]

I wish people would follow the format of this game, and not post random junk on it :/

[crovv]

I wish people would follow the format of this game, and not post random junk on it :/

Granted, but now everyone breaks the rules on other games.

I wish it was still the summer.

[Kingtrue]

Granted!

"Its Febuary, and the water is drying up. The crops are exhausted, I had to eat my cat Phil's eyes yesterday just to stay hydrated. It won't be long now. Unless we can get across the Canadian Desert to Alaska, I don't think there's much hope for us. I hope he forgives me." "Meow."

I wish everybody had a new car.

[Leetgrain]

Granted, but they drive into you because of reasons.

I wish Wholegrain and Cash Prizes were back.

[Obviously not Gopib]

Granted, but they drive into you because of reasons.

I wish Wholegrain and Cash Prizes were back.

Granted, and the entire community lynches you because of it.
I wish my Calculator could divide by zero.

[Cortez (Mr. T. FOO!)]

Granted, but your calculator is dividing by zero already. Anything divided by zero is undefined because you cannot split something into zero groups. So nothing changes.

I wish that calculus wasn't a thing.

[Christovski]

Granted, without it, NASA can no longer make necessary calculations and "just wing it" resulting in an asteroid hitting the earth. 

I wish more people were realists and not hopelessly optimistic and trusting

[Old Crow]

Granted, now the whole world is depressed so its progress stops

I wish Ted Cruz would go back to Canada

[Ðeath.]

Granted, but you are now room mates.

I wish I could beat Mass Effect on Super-Insanity level.

[Christovski]

Granted, it takes you 50 years and when you finish beating it on super-insanity you realize you acidentally changed the difficulty at one point and don't get the achievement.

I wish I could eat all I wanted and not get fatter.

[nucleartaco]

Granted, now eating does nothing for you but put a good taste in your mouth. You starve to death

I wish bazillion-thousand was a number

[Blue Belladonna]

Granted, you have a bazillion-thousand fingers + toes.

I wish i had a pet monkey.

[Leetgrain]

Granted, but it eats a baby yoshi and dies from choking.

I wish I exploded from rainbow nukes.