Corrupt-a-wish!!!

[Old Crow]

Granted, but they placed within Fort Knox, so you can't get to them despite owning them

I wish I had 4,000 posts 

[Bigsister]

Granted, but after typing 999 post in a single hour you get carpal tunnel so severely that you have to get your hands amputated.

I wish I was accepted into MIT with a full ride scholarship.

[Leetgrain]

Granted, but you can only LET a certain someone from CG have a "Full-ride", if you know what I mean (Btw that certain someone's me ;3)

I wish Tyber liked old-man Clint Eastwood.

[Christovski]

Granted, he marries him and Cadaver gets jealous.

I wish trolling was against the law and punished with excessive force.

[Leetgrain]

Denied, umad? 

I wish that I was immune to Chris's advances

[UnknownError]

Granted, everyone you ever "<3" comes back and  beats you up. This includes, Chris, Me, Tyber, Red, and Oobla.

I wish leet would pick me

[Cortez (Mr. T. FOO!)]

Granted, but Leetgrain's arms give out and you break your tailbone from the fall.

I wish for all of the moneyz

[Link236]

Granted, but since you have ALL the money, you're a huge target and get assassinated.

I wish I had Google Fiber.

[Acebombastic]

Granted, but since you have ALL the money, you're a huge target and get assassinated.

I wish I had Google Fiber.

Granted, but you watch too much HD porn and break your dick.

I wish North Korea and South Korea just got along.

[Link236]

Granted, but then they nuke the whole world.

I wish I could type faster.

[Acebombastic]

Granted, but then they nuke the whole world.

I wish I could type faster.

Granted, you now type over 100 wpm but with only 5% accuracy.
I wish Jimmy Johns delivered to my area.

[Sk8ty(GlaDOS)]

Granted, but once you get him he turns into this 

I wish Blackllama would stop posting for a few weeks

Granted, but not.

I wish old crow would not wish for that.

Granted. But The crow will rape you in your sleep.

[Link236]

Erm.. *here's where the corruption to the nonexistent wish goes*

Anyway, I wish my dog didn't have an affection for ripping up paper towels all around the house.

[Leetgrain]

Granted, but it turns out that paper was the only thing keeping your dog from turning into a zombie, well done.

I wish getting onto HRT was so much easier.

[Phoenix]

Granted, but its in the sun

i wish i was the sun