A Machinima About TTT (no name yet)

[JohnCyKlopZ]

So FearlessTHOR and I were thinking of making a machinima about TTT (DarkEmo and Inject were involved too but the idea kinda died off until now). Well, we're actually working on the script right now.
The script isn't completed yet. So far, we have two versions. The first one is typed by Fearless alone:

P1: Hey guys look what I bought new boots! Never no what ill do next
P2&3: (at table not listing)
Professor,akaP4: Hey there something I need to tell you..(both walk to a different room)
I cant live forever and I need an hier someone to take my riches and take care of my man eating dogs when am gone. The others are not smart enough and to impulsive not like you tho. Not old predictable “P1”
P1: WTf hello new boots
P4: that’s why I made you my sole hier the day I die… you’ll be a very wealthy person
Oh.. my yes… incredibly wealthy the day I die…because your so unimpulsive 
P1: Pulls out knife and stabs p4
P4: oh, god you’ve killed me! You’ve killed me..
P1: oh, god, what have I done?
P4: ive told you you’ve killed me!
P1 Ok, just try to be claim (enters room whistling)
P5: (setting down)
P6: Holy shit the professors dead..
P2&6; Oh, what?!
P6: if you ask me I think it mighty suspicious im going to call the police… right after I flush some things
P5: Police! Goddamn pigs well it so happens I have a mail order degress in murderology and murderonomy “p5s name” is a foot. [aka detective]
P1&P6: (setting at table)
P6: perhaps the professors files can clear things up lets see citation for public nudity , conspiracy to commit pubic nudity. Ah Ha a new will naming—[Gasps] You as the sole Heir!
P1: that doesn’t prove I killed him.
P6: it’s a video will it shows you killing him
D: ( looking at the crime scene) ( in the back ground p1&p6 fighting p6 not putting up a fight yelling and screaming dose not hear due to him being a dumbass)
P1: (diposal things)
P7: (walks in) what you got a disposal trouble?
P1: NO! everything is just—
P7: sure is shocking that about the professor, huh?
And now (p6) is mysteriously missing. Anyhow it doesn’t affect me (p7)
Hey what is this? (p6) hair and his arm? (p1), im shocked food goes into the disposal hair and flesh into the trash.
P1: am sorry I couldn’t stop. Well, wait you don’t care I murdered (p6)?
P7:not even alittle, there is nothing wrong with murder just as long as you pay me.
P1: are you black mailing me?
P7: Black mail is such an ugly word I prefer extortion the x makes it sound cool
P1:  (pulls out knife)
P7: please you think am scared of you?
P1 (pulls out gun) shoots (p7) in the head, Okay that’s it no more killing, next time you feel like killing chew some gum. Now to get ride of the body
P2: ( reading a book) ( P1 enters) wow nices boots….NOT! ahahaa
P1: do you have any gum?
P2:  no (screaming)
(D-standing up,p1,p3,p9- sitting down)( joey enters takes seat next to p1)
P1: Who are you?
J: joey the janitor
P1: ive never seen you before
J: never seen you before. Nither
D: Quiet please, I’ve called you all here today to the parlor…. To watch as I gradually solve the  crime one of  the people in this room is a big murderer, [all gasp except P1] [P1 then gasp]
D: You see the killer left one fatal clue this boot print on the professors lab coat
P1: uh… couldn’t have been me. I never wear boots.
P9: this is preposterous obviously the murderer is--- ( light shut off)
P9: (dead on the couch)
For a second nobody notices joey looks and jumps with freight
D: my next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later at 4:15  when I discovered the dead corpse of (p2)
J: Joey knows who killed them people. In joeys opinion, it were…. (lights shut off)(then on) joey dead
D: so its just as I suspected all along the crime is unsolvable (letter falls in)
A letter from (p7) my good friend Dear( D) if you are reading this I’m already dead the person who killed me was--- was--- my god cant be. The murder was—
P3: (yawns) im bored your boring( D) im going to go watch tv
P1: can you get the lights on your way out? [lights shut off]
Next day
P3: what you eating
P1: lobster, you want some?
P3: sure, I think I finally figure out whats behind all these mysterious deaths
P1: really?
P3: was this mansion built on an Indian graveyard?
P1:no
P3: no?
P1: no
P3: [Gasp] then--- then… IT WAS YOU.
P1: I don’t know what came over me I killed one person on impulse then I had to kill another and another.
P3: well that covers the first 3 killings
P1: and now to make sure you wont talk im going to have to do something really impulsive.
P3: [SCREAMS]
Richland or some scence place
Professer: so who else has a question for the what if machine. Joey? (p3)?
P3; maybe next time?

And here's the second version, which is Fearless's version just rewritten by me alone:

P1: (coming up the stairs) Sup everyone, i hope you're not doing
anything mischievous BECAUSE I HAVE A NEW GUN!!

(P2 and P3 ignore P1) P2: Yeah, whatever dude.

P3: Yeah, man. Cool story bro...

P1: Oh fuck you guys, when I get rich from success and get a smexy
mansion, prostitutes, and riches, I'm never gonna share it with you
assholes.

(P4 walks up to P1 from another room) P4: Hey, P1, I've got something
to say to you, it's important.

P1: What, you're gonna tell me how gay you are and brag about your
dick size again, FOR THE 8th TIME?

P4: No.. no, just come to the other room with me.

(P1 and P4 go to the other room *transition*) P4: Okay, so obviously
there are some traitors going on and about, and any of us can die
any time soon. But right now, since you're the most trustworthy
guy or girl around here...

P1: What is that supposed to mean?

P4: ...I've decided to give you all of my property, including my
smexy mansion and prostitutes, blah blah blah-blah... blah blah
blah blah--blah...

(P1 thinking while P4 is "blah blah"ing [this line can be read
seperately as I'm going to edit this line over P4's blah blahs anyway)
P1: Alright this is the PERFECT opportunity, once he stops talking,
I'm gonna kill him with my new gun and all my traitor friends will
respect me...

P4: ... blah blah-blah, and I'm gonna give all those riches to you
when --

(P1 immediately shoots P4 in the head with a silenced gun;
P4 dies) P4: -quick shriek-

P1: OH SHIT, what?! OH MY GOD I FUCKED IT UP, WHAT WAS HE GONNA
SAY?? FUCK!!

P2: Hey, what was that sound?!

P1: (falsetto) Uhh, nothing! I'm just a young woman doing housekeeping
in the room!

P2: Alright! Can I join?

P1: (normal voice) Oh my god dude, nevermind! I-I'm just jacking off,
don't come in.

P2: Ohh.............. Can I join, still?

P1: FUCK NO!!

(5 minute later *transition*)

The purpose of this thread is to get everyone's opinions on the script. First, the script will need to be chosen from one of the two versions, OR if you guys want to merge them together, leave some suggestions in the replies.
If we do vote for only one version for the script, it'll still be proofread by you guys anyway. flower.gif
Thanks.

[Raunky]

I would just like to say, you guys are trying too hard to be funny. The comedy feels forced.

[JohnCyKlopZ]

I would just like to say, you guys are trying too hard to be funny. The comedy feels forced.

Exactly why we need help D:

[Dinomoto]

yes you do need help, *phones asylum*

[Finniespin]

Would be a great idea. Just make it.To lazy to read the text .

But srsly, Don't dwell of by useless-topic spam.

[FearlessThor]

...

[Kwaurtz]

Gimme a day to read the script and give some improvements.

[Alzine]

Ok, so why is the first script just a futurama episode with p* instead of names?

[JohnCyKlopZ]

Ok, so why is the first script just a futurama episode with p* instead of names?

The names are to be added later, the script is still in progress.

[Dinomoto]

Ok, so why is the first script just a futurama episode with p* instead of names?

  qft

[Dante]

Yah sounds cool but its taken of off futerama when lella killed the professor.
But the second one made me lol big time. DO THE SECOND ONE!